I have just spent my first two years out of college trying to figure out what I’m going to do with my life. And I’m pretty sure I’ve found it. So here comes the hard part. It’s something I haven’t just spent four years of college doing.
I’ve decided, quite definitively (and more definitively than I have made any other decision in my life), that I want to be an actress. Film, television, theatre – I don’t really care. I am completely and totally in love with being someone else for a few hours every day. And I know (even though it isn’t what I went to school for) that I am good.
I did acting camp growing up. I’ve been training in classical ballet since I was five. I took Honors level Modern and Shakespearean Drama in high school, and I was recommended for Honors because of my playing Lady Macbeth in my Survey of British and Irish Literature course the year before. I was stopped in the hallway by that English teacher to say that he had thought I had done an amazing job. I loved playing Miranda from The Tempest for the drama course. The physical aspect of the role showing me just how amazing it can be to be someone else, to act opposite someone else.
And very recently, after a rather odd dream, I auditioned for a local production of Oliver!. I didn’t get in, but it brought back the memory of just how much I really do love acting. Shaking like a leaf and everything.
So I’ve started doing just about everything I can to make the dream a reality. I started by redesigning this website. I’ve put up a profile on a few different websites, including Backstage. I’ve looked into Boston Casting – since Boston’s probably the closest I’ll get to home right now – and made a login for their website.
Part of me desperately wants to hold back – “What are you doing? You’re not qualified for this?” And then I find myself questioning – I’m not qualified for this in the same way I’m not qualified to be a web developer or a computer programmer. I lack a piece of paper from some school or other stating that this is what I’m good at. And I know I’m good. So really at this point it is finding acting classes and voice classes and EXPERIENCE. And marketing myself.
Perhaps writing this blog on my professional website isn’t exactly marketing myself well, but I am good at what I can do. And I know I’m good.
So this is me, putting myself out there. This is me telling life that you know what, it’s time for me to take a chance. It’s time for me to believe I can and to know I will.