Every so often I come around yet again to this: the “Relationship Rant”. The post I do about… oh… once a year (more often if I’m in a particularly down part of my life) where I decide the best thing to do is to write a blog post about how:
- No one gets me.
- I don’t have a boyfriend.
- Past boyfriends have been total bums.
- I would really like to be treated if I were to have a boyfriend.
Sometimes these posts have been oddly prophetic – which is probably the only reason I am continuing to post them. I’m sure you can all find the comment on the post aptly titled “Relationships” where I reveled over having a boyfriend actually get me a graphics card for an anniversary present. Well, said boyfriend made it to the 10 month mark. I still haven’t had a relationship last more than a year.
So, we are back at square one and I am writing my annual post – again.
This year, I think I’d like to write that I have come to the realization that I have overly high standards. I also have a safety mechanism that is very good at saying “Hey! This is not a safe zone any more! Time to evacuate!” Fortunately, in this last case, it was relatively mutual. Also, weird dreams involving celebrity crushes are really good at convincing yourself that your heart is just not in it anymore. Okay, now I’m going to stop and say – I totally forgot where this paragraph was going to go.
So, I found my next potential boyfriend… Then it occurred to me that I have never done the chasing. Ever.
I have spent the last year or so having this new feminist, equality stuff thrown at me: “Disney Princesses are the worst role models”, “We need to break out of our assumptions”, “Blame the Rapist, not the Victim” campaigns, “Oh no! Change Merida back!”, etc, etc, etc…
Which I get, don’t get me wrong. But it also means that chivalry is (if not dead) dying – not from modern life. Oh no. From feminism. Yeah, I get that I have probably never asked a guy out because of some ingrained feeling that it is the guy’s responsibility. And honestly, part of me would rather be whisked off after a sheep stealing raid than actually put forth effort. And yes, Sleeping Beauty being one of my favorite movies, there is some appeal to Prince Charming just showing up.
But we all know that isn’t true.
And the fact that chivalry is dying out means I actually have to try harder. Which totally isn’t fair. (Okay, yes it is.) But I get it. I really do. If I want to be taken seriously as a person, I have to act like a fellow person. There has been an increase in things that promote the elimination of the boy/girl stereotypes. As a computer geek, I’m completely into that. As a person, I would just like to be me, but you know, I’m okay with the feminine stereotype. I like being treated like a princess on occasion – we’ll just leave out the bit about jewelry* though.
(I’d like to pause here for a moment and note that not all chivalry is good. There are a lot of aspects of chivalry that have leant themselves to the male sense of entitlement to the women in their lives. And this part of chivalry is bad, and should be gotten rid of. No matter what.)
In doing all of this studying for school in treating students the same and teaching for all children – I have been learning that I am simultaneously completely biased and completely open. I do not judge anyone’s abilities on how they look or act. But I also judge people I don’t have to teach or deal with professionally all the time. I catch myself doing that now, and it’s like a mental wrist-slap every time I do.
I began writing this post in October, and having come back to it nine months later I’ve realized that this was just the beginning. I’ve become more at home in my little feminist world. I’ve felt more like I’m on the same page with women’s rights as the rest of the feminist world. I still have never chased a guy, but I’ve come to the conclusion that that’s more about who I am and less about being a woman. I’m slapping my own wrist less often because I’ve been more open – I think – recently.
But mostly, I feel like I’ve begun to become me. And while part of me still resents the lack of any current relationship – I’m happier with who I am now.
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*Soon to come: Ginevra’s post about living with gemnophobia: the irrational fear of jewelry.