I remember being maybe nine or ten years old and going into the doctor’s office for my annual physical. It was probably about the first or second time I had an annual physical with the nurse practitioner instead of my actual pediatrician. It would also be the first time I would hear this question.
“How do you feel about your body?”
“Good.” I answered, before I’m sure a slightly puzzled expression would cross my face.
I don’t remember what she said next, but it was clear that she thought there would be a possibility of other kids in my class commenting on it, and not necessarily in a good way. If they were, all I heard was slight teasing that I was so light. I would think it was funny because the other kids would pick me up and carry me around. I was the second smallest kid in my class. And while a lot of that was in height, I was also the skinniest.
I thought that it was odd. I knew my best friend in the beginning of elementary school was picked on for his more substantial weight. But I had felt prepared for that as I had kept up with the advice column in American Girl magazine. However, this was at the beginning of a major trend in magazines: the attack of companies using supermodels instead of natural models for advertisements.
Honestly, I spent most of my adolescent years around people who cared more about anime and Joss Whedon than they did about body image. So it wasn’t really until college that I realized that people were going around comparing themselves to me. When they asked how I stayed thin, I would say “Oh, I don’t know. It’s just my genetics.” A few times, with people I didn’t know and who had never seen me eat, I got accused of having an eating disorder. This angered me because I honestly hadn’t done anything to deserve it, and the tone of the accusers was such that having an eating disorder was clearly taboo. And that, in turn, made me wonder what their accusations might have done if I’d actually had an eating disorder. In all likelihood, it would have made it worse, and would have made it that much harder to accept treatment. In the end, I learned to answer with “I dance” and leave it at that.
As time had gone on – and some of this did start while I was in college – the new “sexy” had come out. It really started back in the ’90s with the hit “Baby Got Back”, but it began to show up in more of the female publications. Women with more curves were becoming the “it” thing. On the one hand, being the skinny girl for most of my childhood, I had built up a bit of a tolerance for body commentary because my body was a secure point for me. On the other hand, starting in college it was beginning to wear thin. I was constantly feeling like my stick-like figure wasn’t curvy enough, but reassuring myself that, as a result, I would never have balance problems with my pirouettes in ballet. It was small consolation for not fitting in with the mold. But even with all of that, I have continued to be happy with my body. I’ve only ever gotten angry with it because it has, over time, created a few physical limitations when it comes to dance – but I do my best with physical therapy to get beyond those. Dance is everything to me.
However, I really don’t appreciate being called a “skinny bitch”. Meghan Trainor’s new song “All About That Bass” is great in concept. She’s trying to make everyone accept their own bodies. However, you can’t do that if you’re going to put down being skinny. I am proof that you can be born naturally skinny with a ridiculous metabolism and a physical need to stop eating before your stomach hurts.
The tough thing is, skinny is the “privilege” right now. Which means that speaking out about body shaming for skinny people is more taboo. It shouldn’t be.
To every woman who has ever come up to me and asked how I do it, or comments that they’re jealous, don’t be. I’d like your curves, but I know I won’t ever have them. Every time I respond that way, I’ve been told that I don’t because they’re too much trouble to find clothing for. Well let me tell you: so is my lack of curves. Finding clothes is never easy for ANY woman. And it’s because we are all so different. Love who you are and what you’ve got for a body.
You all look beautiful to me.